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| People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. | |
| I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, | |
| You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. | |
| The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. | |
| I like cats too. Let's exchange recipes. | |
| Things are more like they are now than they ever were before. | |
| There's too much blood in my caffeine system. | |
| Fidel Castro is still in the hospital with a serious medical condition. | |
| Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? | |
| I can see clearly now, the brain is gone... | |
| I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead. | |
| It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere. | |
| Budget: A method for going broke methodically. | |
| Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it. | |
| Dain bramaged. | |
| Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay.. | |
| 24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence? | |
| Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS | |
| I'm so ugly. My mother had morning sickness, AFTER I was born. | |
| The Religious Right. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. - unknown | |
| Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, | |
| It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it. - Upton Sinclair | |
| Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. - Plato | |
| There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action. - Goethe | |
| 'Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than open one's mouth and remove all doubt. - Samuel Johnson | |
| A great many open minds should be closed for repairs. - Toledo Blade | |
| A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. - William James | |
| Nobody ever went broke by underestimating the intelligence | |
| Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. - Nick Diamos | |
| Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein | |
| Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference. - unknown | |
| Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it. - Henry David Thoreau | |
| Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. - Martin Luther King, Jr. | |
| I have great faith in fools; My friends call it self-confidence. - Edgar Allen Poe | |
| The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. - Frank Zappa | |
| Stupidity has a certain charm -- ignorance does not. - Frank Zappa | |
| The next time I send a damn fool on an errand, I'll go myself. - Dan Stole | |
| Blessed is the man who, having nothing to stay, abstains from giving us worthy evidence of the fact. - George Eliot | |
| Why do most people think their own impoverished lives must be the norm of the universe? - Poul Anderson | |
| Dullard: Someone who looks up a thing in the encyclopedia, turns directly | |
| A certain combination of incompetence and indifference can cause almost as much suffering as the most acute malevolence. | |
| Any sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice. - unknown | |
| Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege. | |
| You can fool too many of the people too much of the time. - James Thurber | |
| "She's a witch!""A witch? How do you know she's a witch?""She turned me into a newt!""A newt?""Uh . . . I got better." | |
| The only problem with Baptists is they don't hold them under long enough. | |
| Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. - David Moulton | |
| I have all the money I will ever need – if I die by 4:00 p.m. today | |
| I have the world’s largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world. Perhaps you’ve seen it | |
| Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone. | |
| Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs. | |
| There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it | |
| Thou shalt not commit adultery, unless in the mood. | |
| Murphy's number one law on love and sex: Don't fck with Mrs. Murphy | |
| I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small | |
| When you're feeling so low that you have to reach up to touch bottom, whose bottom you touch can make a big difference | |
| Justice: A decision in your favor | |
| I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable | |
| Have a nice day. . . somewhere else | |
| Constipated people don't give a crap | |
| Reality is the leading cause of stress | |
| Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent | |
| Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded | |
| You're never too old to learn something stupid | |
| Criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage | |
| May your life be like toilet paper - long and useful | |
| I never repeat gossip, so listen carefully the first time | |
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