Funny Quotes about men

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Funny quotes >> Funny Quotes about men



Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone.
Why can't women tell jokes? Because we marry them!
Men are like bank accounts.Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable.
The more I know about men the more I like dogs.
Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window.
I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance -- a sharp, vindictive glance.
Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.
The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs.
On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.
Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract.
Men think monogamy is something you make dining tables out of.
For everybody knows that it requires very little to satisfy the gentlemen, if a woman will only give her mind to it.
Don't let a man put anything over on you except an umbrella.
Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equalling a hundred miles.
I wanted to make it really special on Valentine's day, so I tied my boyfriend up.
Show me a man who lives alone and has a perpetually clean kitchen,
My attitude toward men who mess around is simple: If you find 'em, kill 'em.
There's nineteen men livin' in my neighborhood eighteen of them are fools and the one ain't no doggone good.
What is man, when you come to think upon him, but a minutely set, ingenious machine for turning,
Why is it men are permitted to be obsessed about their work, but women are only permitted to be obsessed about men?
Always suspect any job men willingly vacate for women.
The first time you buy a house you think how pretty it is and sign the check.
Everyone knows that a man can always marry even if he reaches 102, is penniless, and has all his faculties gone.
A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him.
There is a vast difference between the savage and the civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast.
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage,
The follies which a man regrets most, in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.
“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.
“Behind every great man there is a woman rolling her eyes.”
Anybody who believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach failed geography.”
“A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game.”
“Do you know the best way for a guy to impress a girl at the gym? The best way is to do pull-ups
“The only time a man will truly listen is when he has wood.”
“One of the things I like best about men is they’re a little vulnerable.”
“A man is only as old as the woman he feels.”
“If men knew all that women think, they would be twenty times more daring.”
“There must be some reason why a man must be convinced, while a woman must be persuaded.”
“Men are run by their erections.”
“Guys are like port-o-potties. All the good ones are taken and the bad ones are full of crap.”
“When a woman sees that you’re good at something, it becomes your job forever.”
“Men forget everything; women remember everything. That’s why men need instant replays in sports.
“Men are like fish. Neither would get in trouble if they kept their mouths shut.”
“Give a man a fish and he has food for a day; teach him how to fish and you can get rid of him for the entire weekend.”
“Men are like a deck of cards. You’ll find the occasional king, but most are jacks.”
“Once a gentleman, and always a gentleman.”
“All men hear is blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER.”
“Men are what their mothers made them.”
“Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.”