Conspiracy Theorist Convinces Neil Armstrong Moon Landing Was Faked -
Category: News
Neil Armstrong Moon Landing Was Faked
Conspiracy Theorist Convinces Neil
Armstrong Moon Landing Was Faked
LEBANON, OHIO—Apollo 11 mission commander and famed astronaut Neil Armstrong
shocked reporters at a press conference Monday, announcing he had been
convinced that his historic first step on the moon was part of an elaborate
hoax orchestrated by the United States government.
According to Armstrong, he was forced to reconsider every single detail of
the monumental journey after watching a few persuasive YouTube videos, and
reading several blog posts on conspiracy theorist Ralph Coleman's website,
OmissionControl.org.
"It only took a few hastily written paragraphs published by this passionate
denier of mankind's so-called 'greatest technological achievement' for me to
realize I had been living a lie, " said a visibly emotional Armstrong,
addressing reporters at his home. "It has become painfully clear to me that
on July 20, 1969, the Lunar Module under the control of my crew did not in
fact travel 250,000 miles over eight days, touch down on the moon, and
perform various experiments, ushering in a new era for humanity. Instead,
the entire thing was filmed on a soundstage, most likely in New Mexico."
"This is the only logical interpretation of the numerous inconsistencies in
the grainy, 40-year-old footage," Armstrong added.
Although Armstrong said he "could have sworn" he felt the effects of zero
gravity while soaring out of the Earth's atmosphere and through space, he
now believed his memory must be flawed. He also admitted feeling "ashamed"
that he had failed to notice the rippling of the American flag he and Buzz
Aldrin planted on the surface, blaming his lack of awareness on the
bulkiness of the spacesuit and his excitement about traveling to the "moon."
"That rippling is not possible in the vacuum of space," Armstrong said. "It
must have been the wind from an air-conditioning duct that I didn't
recognize because you can't hear a damn thing inside those helmets."
"This is all just common sense, people," he added. "It's the moon. You can't
land on the moon."
In a symbolic display of his newfound skepticism, Armstrong then grabbed a
collection of moon rocks he had kept as souvenirs and dramatically dumped
them into a trash can.
One of the main arguments posited on Coleman's website—that America could
not, in 1969, have realistically possessed the technological capabilities
needed to put a man on the moon—was reportedly one of the first things to
cause the legendary astronaut a pang of doubt. Despite having spent
thousands of hours training for the historic mission under the guidance of
the world's top scientists, technicians, and pilots, Armstrong said he knew
the conspiracy theories were true after learning that website author Coleman
was "quite the engineering buff."
"Yes, at the time I thought those thousands of NASA employees were working
round the clock for the same incredible goal, but if anyone would know what
was really going on, it would be Ralph Coleman," Armstrong said of the
31-year-old part-time librarian's assistant. "He knows a lot more about
faked moon landings than I ever could. He's been researching the subject on
the Internet for years."
"Literally years," he added.
Addressing another inconsistency brought to light by OmissionControl,
Armstrong explained he was probably so focused on piloting the lunar module
that he failed to notice that one of the moon rocks visible in footage of
the landing appears to have the letter 'C' stamped on it. An emotional
Armstrong said that the only possible explanation for this detail was that
the rock actually came from NASA's prop department.
"They forgot to turn it over," Armstrong said, removing his eyeglasses to
wipe away tears. "Those lying bastards at NASA went through all the trouble
to fake the moon landing, but they forgot to turn over one little prop rock.
And now the whole damn thing's blowing up in their faces."
Although Armstrong initially questioned why the U.S. would attempt such an
elaborate cover-up, he cited one overarching explanation provided by
Coleman: that it was a ploy to defeat the Soviet Union and fulfill the
Illuminati's plan to unify the world's banks and control the dissemination
of information.
"Just ask Ralph Coleman," Armstrong said. "He'll answer any questions you
have."
To conclude the press conference, Armstrong showed reporters footage of his
first steps on the moon to demonstrate that the most daming evidence was
"right under our noses." Speeding up the tape and replaying the graceful
moonwalk several times in a row, Armstrong explained that the iconic images
of humanity's triumphant dance with the cosmos was actually just a film of
him walking backwards, slowed down, and played in reverse.
"What other explanation could there be?" Armstrong asked. "It's all right
here. Everything is all right here if you'd just open your damn eyes and
see!"
Added Armstrong, "I suppose it really was one small step for man, one giant
lie for mankind.
