Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the
speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was
flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn
needs to lie down.
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a
hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It
failed miserably.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern
Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being
bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision,
beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked
through a car windshield.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72… and they’re all
poisonous.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds ’til.”
After you ask, “Two seconds ’til what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a
picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to
pay taxes, ever.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken’s famous secret recipe, with eleven
herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
CNN was originally created as the “Chuck Norris Network” to update Americans
with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
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