Black People jokes - Funny Black jokes

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Racist jokes

Black People Jokes

What’s the difference between the All Blacks and an arsonist? An arsonist woouldn’t waste five matches.

What do you call 15 guys sitting around the T.V watching the Rugby World Cup final? The All Blacks

What’s the difference between Graham Henry and Viagra?
At least Viagra gives you a semi.

Graham Henry gets handed a mobile phone and is told “this is Wayne Barnes’s phone”, Henry says “how did you know”, the reply is “it had 15 missed calls”

What’s the difference between a tea-bag and the All Blacks?
A Tea Bag stays in the cup longer

Q: Why aren’t there any Black people on Star Trek?
A: They won’t work in the future either

You’re so black you went to night school and the teacher counted you absent.

A black guy walks into a bar with a beautiful parrot on his shoulder.
“Wow,” says the bartender “That is really something, where did you get it?”
“Africa,” says the parrot.

It is hard being black.

We get the bad end of the deal with every sport.

Hockey your slapping a black puck around.

Pool you have a white ball trying to knock you in a hole.

The only thing we have is bowling, where you have a black ball trying to knock down a bunch of rednecks.

Q: How did the black girl know her mother was on the rag?
A: Her brothers dick tasted funny.

Q: What has six legs and goes: "Ho-de-do, ho-de-do, ho-de-do"?
A: Three blacks running for the elevator.

Q: What's the definition of the word "Confusion"?
A: Father's day in Harlem.

Q: Do you know why so many blacks were killed in Vietnam?
A: Because every time the seargeant said: "Get down!" they stood up and started dancing.

Q: What did God say when he saw the first black person?
A: Ooops, I burnt one!

Q: Why is Stevey Wonder Smiling all the time?
A: He doesn't know he's black.

Q: Blacks took over Toys R us.
A: The renamed it to We B toys.

Q: A black guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant.
A: It's called Nacho Mama.

Q: What do you get when you cross an Eskimo with a black person?
A: A Snowblower that Doesn't work!

Q: What do you call an Negro with a peg leg?
A: Shit on

What did the Alabama sheriff call the nigger who had been shot 15 times? Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.

What do you call a bunch of old niggers in a barn? Antique farm equipment!

What do you get when you cross a nigger and a gorilla? A dumb gorilla!

What do you call a nigger having sex? Rape!

How do you get a nigger out of a tree? Cut the rope!

What was missing from the Million Man March? About a thousand miles of chain and an auctioneer!

What does a nigger give his kid for his birthday? YOUR bike!

How do we know Adam wasn’t black? Ever try taking a rib from a black guy?

What’s long, dark and stinks? The unemployment line!

Why can’t Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder read? They’re niggers!

What’s 8 miles long and has a combined IQ of 56? The Martin Luther King Day parade!

What’s long and hard on a nigger? Third grade.

What would you call the flintstones if they were black? Niggers!

What’s the difference between a nigger and a bucket of shit? The bucket.

How do you starve a nigger? Hide his foodstamps under his work boots.

Why are trees so close in Harlem? Public transportation.

What do you call a nigger with a Harvard education? A nigger!

How do you keep a nigger from going out? Pour more gas on him!

How can you tell a nigger’s just had sex? His eyes are all red from the mace.

What’s black and brown and looks good on a nigger? A rotwheiler!

What do you call a white guy surrounded by 3 niggers? In trouble.

What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 niggers? Coach.

What do you call a white guy surrounded by 1000 niggers? Warden.

Why do blacks have flat noses? That’s where god put his feet when he was pulling off their tails.

How do you stop a nigger from drowning? Take your foot off the back of his head.

Why do niggers stink? So blind people can hate them too.

What is a nigger? Proof that skunks fuck monkeys.

What do you call an Ethiopian with a pickle on his head? A quarter-pounder.

When does a Black man turn into a nigger? As soon as he leaves the room.

Why do niggers walk the way they do? Because they spent the first nine months of their lives dodging a coat hanger.

How is a nigger like a broken gun? It doesn’t work and you can’t fire it.

Why do police dogs lick their asses? To get the taste of nigger out of their mouths!

Why are so many niggers moving to Detroit? They heard there were no jobs there.

Why do niggers carry shit in their wallet? Identification.

What are 3 things you can’t give a nigger? A black eye, a fat lip, and a job.

>Why do Black People lean to the middle when they drive? They think the smells comin’ from the outside.

What goes Fee Fi Foe Fee Fi Foe Fee? Mike Tyson giving out his phone number.

What do black people give their daughter when she turns 13? A baby shower.

Why do niggers wear high heel shoes? So their knuckles won’t drag on the ground.

Did you hear about the nigger with insomnia? He kept waking up twice a week.

Hear about the new perfume for black women? It’s called “Eau de doo dah day.

Why was the wheelbarrow invented? To teach Niggers to walk on their hind legs.

What do you call the New Orleans Superdome full of milk? Cocoa Puffs.

What’s the difference between a nigger and a picnic table? A picnic table can support itself.

What do you call a black bowling ball? A nigger egg.

Why are blacks so tall? Their knee grows.

Why does Stevie Wonder always smile? He doesn’t know he’s black.

What’s the difference between bigfoot and a working nigger? Bigfoot’s been spotted!

Why do niggers and spics always have nice clothes, jewelry and cars but still live in shitty houses? They haven’t figured out how to steal houses yet!

What’s the difference between a nigger and a letter? You can send the letter back where it came from!

What do you call a black man in high school? Janitor.

How long does it take a female nigger to take a shit? 9 months.

What does a nigger and sperm have in common? Only about 1 out of two million actually work.

Why are aspirins white? If they were black, they wouldn’t work!

Q: What happens when you stick you hand in a jar of jellybeans?
A: The black ones steal your watch.

Q: How do you start a black parade?
A: Roll a 40 down the street.

Q: Why do blacks burry their dead upside down?
A: Use em as bike racks.

Q: How did they improve the transportation in harlem?
A: Move the trees closer together.

Q: What did the black girl say while having sex?
A: Dad get off me your crushing my ciggs.

Q: Why are black people like jelly beans?
A: No one likes the black ones.

Q: What do you call a school bus full of black people?
A: A rotten banana

Q: What was the only thing missing from the million man march?
A. An auctionner

Q: What do you call 100 black guys baried from the neck down?
A: Afroturf.

Q: Why are blacks afried of lawnmovers?
A: Beacuse it gose run ****** ****** run.

Q: What do you call a barn full of blacks?
A: Antique farm equipment.

Q: What do u call a black priest?
A: Holy shit

Q: What does the BFI on the dumpsters stand for?
A: Black Family Inside

Q: Have you ever seen a black person on the jetsons?
A: NO. Looks like a good future doesn't it?

Q: What do you call a black person in a three piece suit?
A: Will the defendent please rise.

Q: What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your tv starts to float?
A: You turn on the lights and shoot the black people.

Q: What do you call 20,000 black people at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.

Q: Why do police dogs lick their balls?
A: To get the taste of negro out of thier mouths

Q: What do you call a 80 year old black guy?
A: Antique farm equipment.

Q: What do you call a pool full of black kids?
A: Cocoa puffs

Q: What do you call a group of blacks in the ocean?
A: An oil spill

Q: What Do You call Mike Tyson if he has no arms or legs?
A: ******, ******, ******!!!!

Q: What do you do if you see a black man flopping around on the ground?
A: Stop laughing and reload

Q: Why are black people so good at Basketball?
A: Cause all you have to do is RUN ... SHOOT ... and STEAL

Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead black person in the road?
A: There's skid marks in front of the skunk.

The black dude walked into the house to see his wife dancing seductively in front of him. "Hey babe," he said. "Where'd you get that grass skirt?" "That aint no grass skirt," she replied. "I had my hair straightened."

An old Souther planter goes into the hospital and is informed by the doctor that his condition is pretty serious. In fact, he's going to require a heart transplant.
"Well, doctor," drawls the planter, "you'd best get on with it. But whatever you do, just don't give me the heart of a black man."
When he comes out of the anaesthetic, the doctor is leaning over his bedside anxiously. "Cal," he says, "I got to use a black man's heart." Cal pales. "But the good news is: your dick is three inches longer.

A black guy knew he had it made when the old brass bottle he found in the back yard turned out to have a genie in it. Any three wishes he had would be granted, the genie informed him.
"I wanna be rich," said the black man. The back yard filled up with chests of gold coins and jewels in the blink of an eye.
"I'm no fool," said the black man. "I wanna be white." And there he stood, white, blonde-haired and blue-eyed.
"Thirdly, I never want to work another day in my life." And he was black again.

Snap!!! Snap!!!
I bloke walked into a bar with a crocodile on a lead. He walked up to the bar man and said:
"I'll have a beer please... and a black manfor the croc"
"Very well" said the Barman. He pulled the man his pint and went and got a dead black man from out the back. He threw it across the bar and the crocodile ate it.
The bloke went back up to the bar and the barman said:
"Same again?"
"Aye" said the man with the crocodile... and I'll have another ****** for the croc. Sure enough the bloke had his pint and the croc had his black man.
The bloke went back up to the bar. The barman said
"Same again Sir?"
"Aye" said the bloke..."and I'll have another black man for the crock."
"I'm sorry Sir, but we don't have any dead black man left," said the barman,"how about a pygmy?"
"No" said the bloke, "he doesn't drink shorts."

Pepito was hit by a car, died, and went to heaven. And everyone who goes to heaven has to work. God went up to Pepito, and said: Pepito, you are going to make babies. Here is this wheel, and every time you turn it, a baby will come out. For hours, Pepito spun the wheel at full speed,then he started to get tired. As he was slowing down, a black baby came out...and Pepito replied: Damn! I better hurry because they are burning!

There are 3 guys. A jew, mexican, and a black man. These 3 guys were in the middle of nowhere and were stranded with no way of transportation to get to town. Well, they thought of this idea to have one of them lay down in the middle of the road and figured a car would stop and they would have a ride. So, the jew went and laid in the road. A car came and thump thump, ran him right over. Ah man, it didn't work, but its gotta. You try it. The mexican went out on the road and a car came and thump thump, ran him right over. Dangn't, this is such a good idea, they gotta stop for a black man. So the black man went out on the road and car came. Thump thump, errrrrt, reerrrrrr thump thump, thump thump, thump thump.

A black man and his son are on a plane heading home back to Africa. During the plane flight theres a problem, the plane is overweight. On the overhead an annoucement comes on. "We are having overweight problems so we are going to have to throw some people off of the back of the plane, we'll start in alphabetical order. Will all african americans please stand up and move to the back of the plane". The Son stands up and the father says "sit down." "Will all black people please stand up and goto the back of the plane." The Son stands up father says "sit down." "Will all cloured people please stand up and move to the back of the plane." The Son stands up the father says "sit down." The son then says "But dad, if were not african americans, blacks, or coloured, what are we?" "Today were ******* son."

A black family of four hears about a magical river that can turn them white if they swim across so they go and the dad and mom swim across, and they come out white, the dauhter jumps in and swims across and she turn white, so the son trys to swim but the current takes him and the little girl goes up to dad and goes, daddy daddy Kobe just got taken by the current and the dad says, "Ah, ***k that ******".

A 5 year old black boy walks up to a 5 year old white boy and says, "My daddy's goy a car. When he honks the horn it goes 'honkey honkey'". Little white boy says, "shit, my daddys got a chain saw when he starts it up it goes 'run nigga nigga run'".

It is hard being black.
It is hard being black. We get the bad end of the deal with every sport. Hockey your slappin a black puck around. Pool you have a white ball trying to knock you in a hole. The only thing we have is bowling, where you have a black ball trying to knock down a bunch of rednecks.

Q: When is the only time u concentrate on a black man.
A: Behind the eyepiece of your rifle.

Q: What's the difference between batman and a blackman?
A: Batman can go to the store with out robin.

Q: What's the difference between shit and a black?
A: Eventually Shit turns white and stops stinking.

Q: Is it better to be born black or gay?
A: Black - because you don't have to tell your folks.

Q: How do they say "***k you" in Los Angeles?
A: Trust me.

Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: An interracial couple in a car wreck.

Q: How many blacks does it take to clean a toilet?
A: None, it's a woman's job.

Q: What's the definition of black foreplay?
A: Don't scream or I'll kill you.

Q: How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black?
A: Ever try and take a rib from a black.

Q: Who won the race down the tunnel, the black or the Pole?
A: The Pole because the black had to stop to write "mother***ker" on the wall.

Q: What do you get when you cross a black and a groundhog?
A: 6 more weeks of basketball season.

Q: Why do blacks always have sex on their minds?
A: Because of the pubic hair on their heads.

Q: Did you hear about the new black French restaurant?
A: It's called Chez What.

Q: What did Lincoln say after his five day drunk?
A: I freed whom.

Q: What's long, black and smelly?
A: The unemployment line.

Q: Why don't blacks like blowjobs?
A: They don't like any jobs.

Q: What do you get when you cross a black prostitute with a Chinese woman?
A: A broad that sucks shirts.

Q: Why do blacks raise chickens?
A: To teach their kids how to walk.

Q: How do you make a black nervous?
A: Take him to an auction.

Q: What do you call a black prostitute with braces?
A: A black and Decker pecker wrecker.

Q: What do you call a black test tube baby?
A: Janitor in a drum.

Q: Why do blacks smell so bad?
A: So the blind can hate them too.

Q: How did they invent break dancing?
A: Trying to steal the hubcaps off a moving car.

Q: Why did God invent golf?
A: So white people could dress up like blacks.

Q: What do you call a black person on birth-control?
A: Crime prevention.

Q: How do you get a black man out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Q: Whats wrong with 5 blacks driving a Cadillac off of a cliff?
A: The car holds 6.

Q: What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10 black guys?
A: The quarterback.

Q: What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10,000 black guys?
A: Warden.

Q: What do you call a black guys condom?
A: A duffle bag.

Q: Why do black women where high heels?
A: So their knuckles don't drag.

Q: What do you call a black with no arms?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: How can you tell when a black as been on your computer?
A: It is not there.

Q: Did you hear about Klu Klux Kneivel?
A: He tried to jump over 8 blacks with a steam roller.

Q: How do you get them down once they're stuck?
A: Tell Mexican kids they're pinatas.

Q: Why don't black kids jump on their beds?
A: Because they'll stick to the velcro on the ceiling.

Q: What do you call a black with a new caddie?
A: A better thief.

Q: What do you call a black with a new bike?
A: A thief.

Q: What's the definition of worthless?
A: A 7'2" black man with a small prick, that can't play basketball.

Q: Why did so many blacks get killed in the war?
A: When the Colonel yelled get down, they all got up and danced.

Q: Why did God invent the climax?
A: So blacks would know when to stop ***king.

Q: What is black and has four legs and goes Hol De Doe, Hol De Doe?
A: Two blacks running for the elevator.

Q: Why do blacks wear white gloves?
A: So they don't bite their fingers eating tootsie rolls.

Q: What do you call 4 blacks in a 57 chevy?
A: Blood vessel.

Q: Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots?
A: They're going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending.

Q: How do you stop a black baby from crying?
A: Wet his lips and stick him to the wall.

Q: Who are the two most famous black women in history?
A: Aunt Jemima and Mutha ***ker.

Q: What's the most confusing day in Harlem?
A: Father's day.

Q: What do you call a black man in a tree?
A: A branch manager.

Q: Why do blacks keep their fly's open?
A: In case they have to count to eleven.

Q: What do you call a black man in Thailand?
A: A tycoon.

Q: Why are aspirins white?
A: Because they work.

Q: How many black people does it take to single a roof?
A: Depends on how thin you slice um.

Q: What is white with a black asshole?
A: The A-Team

Q: Why do black people wear hats covering their face?
A: So the birds don't shit on their lips.

Q: Why are black people so tall?
A: Because their knee grows.

Q: Why do you never hit a black on a bike?
A: Because it is probably your bike.

Q: What is the difference between a black and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket.

Q: How do you keep black people out of your back yard?
A: Hang one in the front!!

Q: What does a black person get for Christmas?
A: Your bike!!!

Q: What did the black women get for getting an abortion?
A: Fat cash from crime stoppers.

Q: Why don't blacks like Tylenol?
A: They have to pick cotton to get to them.

Q: How do you starve a black man?
A: Put his food stamps in his work boots.

Q: What does an apple and a Negro have in common?
A: They both look soooo pretty hanging from a tree.

Q: What do you call an Negro with a peg leg?
A: Shit on a stick.